Life Saved by Death

organ donation links families

by cari merrill

“He was a good kid with one bad moment.”

All too often we hear this statement. All too often families are filled with pain and regret from one bad decision.

Nicholas Stone’s family is plagued with that pain every day.

Arthur Stone spent a recent afternoon - nine months to the day of Nicholas’ death - chronicling the life of his 23-year-old son and the four people who lived because of Nicholas’ death.

At 47, Arthur should be full of vitality. Instead, his face looks haggard, deep with lines. Staring into this man’s eyes, I see a plethora of distressing emotion and a lack of life, eyes that view the world but are absent of their previous intensity.

One bad decision on the evening of June 19, 2006, cost Nicholas his life.

After a day of fishing at Red Feather Lakes, Nicholas and a friend hurried home to Greeley to watch game seven of the Stanley Cup Championship. But Nicholas’ decision to have a few shots of vodka and then drive down the windy hillside road proved a fatal combination.

An incident lasting barely seconds now plays out in hours as Arthur illustrates every detail of that fateful day, remembering each action down to the minute. The event of nine months ago seems all to clear yet, at the same time, a distant memory.

A big curve in the road got the best of Nicholas, and he lost control of the van. In his last-second attempt to avoid impact with the car in front of him, Arthur believes his son jerked the wheel with all of his power, avoiding the car and sending the van careening into the hillside. Nicholas – who wasn’t wearing a seatbelt – was thrown 153 feet from the van. The van rolled right over Nicholas, just before completing the fourth rollover and slamming to a stop against a tree.

Arthur rushed from Greeley to Poudre Valley Hospital, where Nicholas was transported to by helicopter. When Arthur saw his son at the hospital, he said Nicholas looked fine, just some cuts and bruises.

But looks can be deceiving. The force of the impact from the van rolling on Nicholas’ head caused severe brain damage, Arthur said. Nicholas’ friend in the van, who wore a seatbelt, walked away from the accident with minor injuries.

“Looking at him, I thought, ‘He’s a hard-headed kid, he’d be fine,’” Arthur said.

Nicholas was pronounced dead at 9:30 p.m. June 20, 2006.

self-less vs. selfish act

For 39 years, Kenneth Kilbourne lived in agonizing pain. But Nicholas Stone came to his rescue.

Born a hemophiliac, Kilbourne’s blood was missing the Factor 8 protein that should have clotted his blood. Without this protein, blood flowed into his joints, causing them to deteriorate and lead to severe arthritis.

Then, around the age of 5, Kilbourne ironically received a disease from a procedure that was supposed to help his life. He contracted Hepatitis C from a blood transfusion.

Kilbourne, 40, has spent his life on constant medications and in chronic pain from severe arthritis.

At the beginning of 2006, Kilbourne’s liver showed signs of failure as ammonia accumulated in his blood stream.

One of the liver’s functions is to convert ammonia to urea, which is moved to the kidneys to become urine to be excreted from the body. In cases of people with severe liver disease, the ammonia that should be neutralized and secreted instead builds up. Those elevated levels of ammonia are extremely toxic to the body.

Kilbourne was placed on the waiting list at the beginning of 2006. After six months a liver became available, the liver from Nicholas.

As soon as Nicholas’ liver was transplanted into Kilbourne just days after Nicholas’ accident, the hemophilia
was cured.

“I was suffering for years. I was in and out of the hospital for the last few years,” Kilbourne said. “I now have a better quality of life.”

And while Kilbourne is forever connected to Nicholas, he, at times, still feels like a selfish stranger.

“It’s like I took something from someone,” Kilbourne said. “I feel selfish sometimes.”

building a relationship

Kilbourne and the Stone family are bonded for life by a situation they both wish could be different.

What exactly do you say to a family who lost a loved one, but who gave you life?

Kilbourne grapples frequently with that question.

About six months after Kilbourne received Nicholas’ liver, the Kilbournes and the Stones met for the first time, an unusual occurrence.

Many donor families and recipients never meet, said Jennifer Moe, director of communications for Donor Alliance in Denver, the organization that facilitated the organ donation and family contact.

After exchanging just a few letters, the pair had their first encounter just before Christmas 2006, at a Donor Alliance event in Denver. Arthur, a Donor Alliance advocate, spoke at the event, and Kilbourne attended the seminar.

After Christmas, the two families met at Pizza Blast, the Greeley restaurant where Nicholas worked as a chef.

Just like meeting any person for the first time, Kilbourne admitted it was awkward, yet these families had a bigger issue of dealing with a life saved by a death.

Kilbourne is at a loss for words to describe what kind of feelings and emotions he has toward the Stone family.

“I can’t explain that,” Kilbourne said. “You think you have things to say but then you just can’t.”

Despite the tension, the families discovered that although Nicholas and Kilbourne never met, they still have an artistic connection.

Nicholas was athletic, and loved to cook. But it was his drawing that connected him to Kilbourne. Nicholas made drawings for businesses, with his most recent project a digitization of a Volkswagen Bug. Kilbourne shares that passion for drawing.

Arthur described the similarities in their personalities as well. He describes “Kenny” as “well-mannered,” “kind” and “just a really great guy.” He sees the kindness of Nicholas reflected in Kilbourne, even though they aren’t related.

“Nicholas wouldn’t hurt a thing, he was just that kind of person,” Arthur said of his son referring to his kind nature.

While Arthur and Kenny don’t discuss Nicholas all of the time, Arthur is proud of his son.

“I love talking about my kids; they’re my best friends,” Stone said.

But even with Arthur’s description of Nicholas, Kilbourne still can’t feel completely connected.

“People tell you (about the person), but you just don’t really know,” Kilbourne said. “It’s awkward because you wonder what kind of person he was.”

Arthur and Kilbourne make regular appointments to hit the links, using their shared interest in golf as a stepping-stone to build the relationship.

Although each family has the utmost respect and sympathy for what the other is going through, they each recognize the battle and the hardships of their specific situation. But both are willing to work through it and build a lifelong relationship.

“They’re good people,” Kilbourne said of the Stones. “Hopefully, we’ll continue keeping in touch one way or another. As long as they’re comfortable.”

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